I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
