So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
