I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
