great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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