If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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