Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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