i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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