i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
