Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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