The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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