She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
