weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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