More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
