Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
