I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
