My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
