I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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