Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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