I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
