capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
