i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
