I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
