Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
