I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wear drunk well.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
