I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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