So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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