Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
