Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
