I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
