yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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