i think my tv is drunk
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
