In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We need to get me chipped asap
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
