So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
