I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
