Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
