Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
