I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
