My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
