my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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