Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
