Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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