OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
