I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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