I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
