I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
