Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
