Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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