Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
