so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
