he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
