Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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