Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
