Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
