conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
