I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
