oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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